How To Face And Embrace Your Season Of Singleness

Hey sis! Are you ready to face and embrace your season of singleness as you wait on the Lord to bless you with marriage? Or, are you having a difficult time seeing this time in your life as a blessing?

I can honestly say that I haven’t always done this. I haven’t always faced what it meant to be single. Even as I type this, I honestly struggle sometimes with this season of singleness that I’m in because it’s not where I saw myself five years ago. It often feels like I’ve been single for seventy years instead of seven years. No pun intended.

Sometimes I get discouraged.

Sometimes I get tired of waiting.

And sometimes I get really angry and frustrated with myself because I feel like I’m bad at dating (and I’m forever doomed to be an awkward, single mess).

But whenever I feel like I just can’t take it anymore, I get on my knees, I look to the Father and He reminds me of a few things that I will share with you in today’s blog post. He reminds me that this season of singleness is not an elaborate method of torture. It’s, instead, a season of preparation.

 

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How To Face And Embrace Your Season Of Singleness 

In my life, a lot of odd things have happened to me. From as young as I can remember I’ve often had thoughts or dreams that ended up coming true. I remember when I applied for scholarships to go to university. Even before I submitted the paperwork I declared to my parents (and to anyone else who would listen) that I knew for a fact that I would be getting a scholarship and wouldn’t need student loans. 

They didn’t believe me at the time, and who could blame them? I hadn’t applied for anything yet and I wasn’t the greatest student. I mean I was smart but not “THAT” smart. It seemed impossible when you looked at it from a thousand different angles, yet somehow God favoured me and blessed me with an incredible scholarship that not only covered my fees, and books, but left me with enough money to pay for my first wedding dress.

Sisters, take my advice. Do not, and I repeat, do not use your scholarship money that you’re supposed to use to study, to pay for a wedding dress (especially if you don’t get to keep it after the wedding, just saying).

In 2015, when I felt like my life was falling apart and I needed an escape, I told a few people close to me that I’d be accepted into the Jet Programme and would be heading to Japan the next year. Again, they didn’t believe me. I mean that programme was incredibly hard to get into and I was competing with some of the best that Jamaica had to offer.

On April 30, 2016, at 4:28 PM, I received a call from the Japanese Embassy telling me that I’d gotten into the programme and would be departing for Japan in July of that year.

Each and every time that I’ve gotten a message from God, they come through in some supernatural way that makes me know that only God could have orchestrated it. Only God could have made it happen.

Well, in late 2019, I got a message that I’d be getting married in 2021 and that that would be one of the reasons I’d be leaving Japan. I remember telling my coworker and her response was “I didn’t know you were dating anyone.”

You see, that was the only catch. 

I was and am very single.

 

Why Does God Keep You Single?

“Why does God keep me single?”. That’s a question I’ve asked myself so many times that by now I know that the problem isn’t that I can’t find the answer. The problem is that I keep asking the wrong question.

For many of us growing up, our ideal life involved going to school, graduating from university and getting a great job. For me, I chose to skip over a great job and as soon as I finished university, I got married to the love of my life.

In my mind, this was it. I’d be a great wife and a great mom, and then I’d land a great job and my husband and I would go on to live a great life. Sadly, that wasn’t how my life turned out, and a year after we’d gotten married, I found myself not only despising my husband but filing for separation and moving back in with my parents.

It was embarrassing.

It was heartbreaking.

And once again, I found myself single.

At the time I didn’t understand what was happening and why at 23 years old I was a divorcee. Why God had decided that this was the opportune time to keep me single was beyond my comprehension.

But years of learning and growth have helped me to understand one big thing.

There’s a good reason that God keeps us single. It’s not to embarrass or discourage us. It’s to transform us into the women of God we were always meant to be.

 

Being A Godly Single Woman

It isn’t easy being a Godly single woman, especially in a day and age that requires women to show that they are sexually available in order to land a man with a pulse who doesn’t still live in his parent’s basement while stealing WI-FI from the neighbours (or so we’ve been told).

Dating is hard right now and I empathize with every single Christian woman who feels like she’s cursed to be forever single while all her friends are getting married and having babies.

There’s a guy I liked. I’ve known him for what feels like my entire life, and we have quite the history together. The problem is that I got so caught up in liking him and being the right woman for him, that along the way I forgot how to be the right woman for God. 

God is and will always be my first husband, and priority, and if I disappoint him with my lifestyle, I can never face an earthly husband. 

Many of us don’t understand how to be a Godly woman. We read Proverbs 31 and we see all the qualities of what a virtuous person should be like, but we either don’t believe that those qualities apply to us, or we don’t think that it’s necessary for a “modern woman” to embody these traits.

That’s just not true.

Before God will ever send you a Godly man, you must become the Godly woman that God desires you to be. You must walk the walk and live the life of a biblical wife. 

But what exactly does that even mean?

 

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What Does It Mean To Be A Godly Woman?

If you look through your bible, you’ll find many verses that speak to what a Godly woman should be like. The bible says that we should:

Be kind: She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.- Proverbs 31:26

Seek God first: But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.- Matthew 6:33-34

Be a helpmate: Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18

Be humble: Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 2:3-5

Serve the Lord with all our heart: Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men. – Colossians 3:23

Have God within us: God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.-Psalm 46:5

Believe in who God says we are: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.-Psalm 139:14

 

A Godly Woman Should Seek God First

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a woman, with the best of intentions, spend all of her time serving her man or being the best she can be for her man that she forgets who God is in the process.

When I was first married, I truly believed that my husband was supposed to come first in my life.

I believed that if I could just be a good wife to him then that would be enough to keep my marriage going for years and years.

But I was wrong.

The bible tells us to seek the Kingdom of God and righteousness first and everything else that we need will be given to us by our Father in Heaven. In any relationship, there is an order to how things work.

When it comes to your earthly relationships, the one person you should love more than anyone else in your life is God. Your relationship with God is and will always be the most important relationship you will ever have and if things aren’t right between you two then they’ll never be right with anyone else.

Trust a girl who’s seen a lot in her very short lifetime.

Before you prepare to be a wife to any man, take the time to nurture the relationship you have (or should have) between you and God.

 

A Godly Woman Should Believe Who God Says She Is

Nothing hurts a relationship more than a woman who doesn’t know who she is or what she brings to it. For as long as I can remember I have struggled with self-esteem issues. 

When I was a little girl I was assaulted and soon learned that my worth didn’t lie in who I was created to be, but in the things that I could or could not do. I also learned that the more useful I was to those around me, the more praised and appreciated I was. So I spent years trying to be the best in everything I took part in.

Each time I won a trophy or competition, my self-esteem soared as high as the eagles. But when I lost, the opposite happened. I suffered from the worst case of low self-esteem. I was nothing and became a doormat for anyone to walk all over anytime they wanted.

When a woman knows who God says she is, there is strength in that. Not only is she able to fulfill her true role as a Godly wife, but she is able to understand the difference between being a wife and being a woman of God.

Before you seek to find a good man, figure out who you are in Christ. Figure out what gifts and talents God has blessed you with and how to use those gifts and talents in the best way you can.

 

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How To Face and Embrace Your Singleness: Find And Pursue Your Passions

When I was 23 years old I learned that I had a knack for DIY and sewing. So what did I do? I went full force into following that passion.

Not only did I do sewing projects on my own, but I was able to convince others to believe in me and took on sewin projects for people at my church and even at my job.

What interests you in your life? What passions do you have that you would like to pursue while you’re still young?

Instead of spending every waking moment, waiting for that husband of yours to walk through the door, go out there and do something that makes your heart blaze.

Do something that makes difference in your life or in the life of others.

After getting separated from my ex-husband, I learned so many things about myself. 

I’d always been artistically inclined, I guess, but I never did much outside of art class in high school. Well, after my divorce, I took up sewing, baking, photography, blogging, podcasting, speaking, design and art illustration.

These are passions and project that I never imagine I would ever be able to do yet I’ve written for a number of high-profile blogs, have given speeches and won several best speaker awards during my time in Toastmasters and have been interviewed on about 8 podcasts to date.

Sit down (or go out) and figure out what you like to do. Find the things that make you unique and interest and invest time in taking those skills to a whole new level.

I’ve spoken to women who had to wait until their kids left the house before they could spend time working on their hobbies. 

While you’re young and single, take the time to embrace your singleness by finding, investing in and pursuing your passions.

 

How To Face and Embrace Your Singleness: Live A Full Life Single

When you embrace your singleness it isn’t always an easy thing to do because you can feel unfulfilled on your own. The best piece of advice I was ever given was to live a full single life because once your single days are enjoyable, they will make your married days even more enjoyable.

When I was twenty-one years old, I only years old, I only had one idea (or image) of what my life would look like, so I was disappointed and lost when that idea didn’t come through.

Recently I turned thirty-one and it has given me some to think about my twenties, and I’ve realized something. I never truly lived while I younger.

Now after having lived in and traveled to over ten different countries, I wish I had started traveling earlier. I honestly wish I had spent more of my twenties getting to know more about the world around me.

Sure I went to church, did volunteer work, and all that good stuff, but I wish I had done more growing and learning instead of wishing that my life was what I wanted it to be.

When I talk to people about my past and the different things I’ve done they tend to be marveled at the fact that I’ve been able to achieve “so much”. Sometimes I wish I had accomplished more.

Spend your time being single exploring the world, going to all those places you’ve never been to, and helping all the people you didn’t think of helping before. If you want to start a YouTube channel or a blog, go out there and do that. 

If your dream is to do photography in exotic places or teach English abroad by getting TEFL certified, then do that. 

 

How To Face and Embrace Your Singleness: Be A Person Of Service To Others

Every day we wake up we have the chance to be a person of service of others. We are blessed with the opportunity to show kindness and grace, to help someone who is feeling down in the dumps and leave a positive mark on this world that can be so dark at times.

As Christians, Jesus calls us to go out into the world and to share the gospel with others so that they can come to know Jesus for themselves. 

I believe that as single women this is the perfect time for us to be of service to others. There are many ways that we can do so:

  • We can donate money to charities and people in need
  • We can volunteer at homeless shelters or after school programs
  • We can donate our used clothing to those who might need them
  • We can spend our time reading to the elderly and those who have no family
  • We can mentor  “little brother or little sister” and shine our light to help them grow in Christ
  • We can serve in the Youth Department of our church and help take care of the community 

The more time we spend learning how to serve others with a kind and humble heart, the more we learn to be selfless, kind and how fulfilling being a servant can be.

 

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How To Face and Embrace Your Singleness: Be A Good Steward Of God’s Creations

As single women, most of us live on our own in an apartment (or house) or we might share a flat with roommates. This is often an exciting time because we are free and finally on our own.

Being on our own, however, comes with its own set of rules and responsibilities.

In the past ten years, I have learned how to do a budget, how to do laundry without raising my water bill to sky-high costs, how to properly care for a garden and the environment so that my living space is neat and a place of peace.

When you live on your own, you have the opportunity to learn so much about yourself and how to be a good steward of not only your space but other people’s space as well.

Everything we have in this world is a gift from God and we need to learn how to take care of it. 

We aren’t just on this earth to live our lives and do whatever we want. In everything we do we need to give glory and honour to God, and that includes how we care for our surroundings.

Plus, doesn’t it feel really good when you actually have a goldfish for more than a year, or when you come home to a nice, neat home?

 

How To Face and Embrace Your Singleness: Get Comfortable About Doing Things Alone

Getting comfortable doing things on my own (especially in public) took a lot of work on my part. Whether we’re introverts or not, as human beings we seek companionship, and we enjoy spending time with other people.

When you’re single, and everyone else around you is in a relationship, it might be difficult to spend as much time with your friends as you would desire because they have significant others to attend to.

At first, it was weird and difficult for me to do anything on my own because I felt I needed someone to talk to or vibe off of, but now I quite like going for walks by myself, or going window shopping while sipping on my favourite brand of orange juice.

Be comfortable being on your own. Become okay going to the movies, or to a restaurant or even taking yourself on a vacation. 

If you aren’t comfortable being alone when you’re single, I guarantee you will not be comfortable being alone when you’re a couple.

Don’t be afraid to walk alone at times, and more importantly, don’t be afraid to like it.

 

Will You Be Single Forever?

In this season of singleness, I have definitely learned a thing or two about who I am. I’ve learned that I’m really good at writing and creating content that people like to read. I’ve also learned that I like talking about my life and sharing lessons that have helped me to grow and become the woman that God wants me to be.

Through trial and error, I’ve experienced pain and loss, and a couple of wins which I’m proud of. 

The point is that this time in my life has given me the chance to explore and to make mistakes and to learn from those mistakes. This period has helped me to learn what fasting and praying can be in my life and that overindulging in sweets can make me really really ill.

Even though I haven’t always appreciated being single, I do appreciate the lessons that it has taught me.

Singleness was never the gift that I expected God to give me for such a long time, but I am learning to embrace this gift and walk the path that God has laid out for me until He says otherwise. 

I’m also encouraging you to embrace this beautiful and unique gift as well.

 

What Do You Think?

  • How do you face and embrace your singleness?
  • What are you doing to enjoy this time in your life?

 

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All my love,

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2 Comments

  1. May 3, 2021 / 11:20 AM

    I love this, it’s so important to learn how to not waste this time on chasing others and relationship hopping, and avoiding yourself. Being single is great if you do it properly. There are so many perks. Most of all the freedom and space to be who and what you want, to do what you want, when you want, however you want. Being single gives you by many opportunities, the most important of which is growing closer to yourself and be stronger and more independent ❤️

    • SheIsAMess
      Author
      May 8, 2021 / 9:20 AM

      Thank you so much. I totally agree. Being single is such a blessing when you’re able to truly embrace exactly what it means. Thanks for commenting.

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